We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
please don't ironically join a cult
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