I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize