When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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