i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
