Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
