Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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