Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
