I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
