he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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