Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
