i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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