Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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