I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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