Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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