This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
