in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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