I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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