The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
