I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
