she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
