i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
