I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
What a dumb baby whore.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Randomize
