brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize