I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
