Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
