Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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