in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
