Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
