Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
