it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
