So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
can u get pink eye on your cock?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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