haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
