Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
