i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
