She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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