Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
