It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
