Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
