Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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