Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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