We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize