tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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