it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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