Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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