I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
