I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
