Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize