I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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