Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
