haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
