Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
