i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
