I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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