Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
