I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
