She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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