it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just found puke in my bra..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
