My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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