My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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