I just made out with a guy for $7.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
God, you're like boner-b-gone
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
