So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
