dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
