You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
