last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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