yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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