haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
