also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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