I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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