hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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