so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
