his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
