I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
