I love black thongs
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
