There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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