I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
